Well, tomorrow is Mother's Day. I look forward going to church and then family lunch. One thing though, my wife, a phenomenal mother, will not be there. Ethan is still in the hospital until Tuesday. Actually, since the beginning of December he has been in the hospital for 67 days. I can not wait to have my wife and son back and pray that this will be it for a LONG time visiting hospitals.
I want to talk about my wife. What a selfless woman. You see, life has been kind of crappy for the past 4 months, but we have kept moving ahead. I mean, this is the hand we were dealt and we will roll with it :)
For the past 4 months, my wife and I have been separated for over half of them. She exhaustively is non-stop. Living at the hospital, taking care of Ethan, getting very little sleep and then going to work all day just to do it all over again. She works in Special Education as well, and I see it in her face, taking care of 9 other students everyday and taking care of their personal needs and then coming home to help with 2 of our own that need us. Should she be working.......NO.....does she have to.........YES and that sucks!!!
Jackie keeps to herself alot, whereas, if you know me I can talk to a wall. She has so much to say and so much knowledge to share and this stuff is beating her down. I miss her! Kiki is taking this the hardest. She is so ready for momma to come home.
I am just ready to go and do whatever, where ever the Lord takes us. We need a change, a BIG change.
There is so much on our plate right now, we are not sure which way is up or down. The kids issues are big enough to deal with and then this economy scares us to death......Remember the good ole days when they said oh just be a teacher...you'll always have a job :) Yeah right! Yes, Jackie and I are still blessed with having jobs and we are not complaining, but not sure how much is going to be cut yet. Then there is the HUGE proposed $1 Billion cut to Health and Human Services, which DADS falls under, which both my sons fall under.......AAAGGGHHHH! It's the lack of control that I can not handle, the lack of knowing.... Yes, I know, let go and let God! This is much easier said then done.
Why are we worried....because both my sons expenses a month in medical care is around $1700. This is just the maintenance stuff, not including tests, appointments, labs and therapies...... If this passes...what are we going to do. Jackie and I are slowly prepping the house for sale if this should happen and we will go wherever :) Who knows besides God??? Nobody.
I have been a pretty healthy guy over the past decade...nothing out of the usual besides the melanoma. Well, until about a month ago. Since last month, I ave had 3 anxiety attacks. This has been the most overwhelmed, antsy I have been sicne the college days cramming of No Dose and caffeine.
I worry...I worry all the time lately. Too much!!!!
With this all being said, my family is the greatest! We are very unique and very outspoken in our issues with our sons. Our main purpose is to help...help others who don't know as much about this stuff as we do. I would love just to be a family advocate and get what kids with disabilities need!
It's time for something different.....as long as we have our faith, family and friends we can do it.....
Happy Mother's Day to a wonderful woman, a beautiful wife and most of all an AMAZING mother! I love you!
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